somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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