Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
