i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
