one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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