I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
bring money and cleavage
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
