just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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