No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
