Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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