why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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