In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
