The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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