the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
