she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
