And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
