I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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