Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
