How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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