I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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