Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
