watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
