It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
