as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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