He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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