i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
