Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
