Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
