my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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