im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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