Your mouth is God's brothel.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
