If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
