You're my little dorito
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
