I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
