PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
