I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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