RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
