The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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