A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
