she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
