Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
