2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
