and i looked up. we had an audience...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
