you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
