Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
