well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
