Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
