the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
