Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
