My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
