so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Randomize
