I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
