i was born a porn star she said
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just found puke in my bra..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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