I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
